how basketball restored my will to live
- Dec 31
- 5 min read
no, i'm not having an existential crisis.
in 2024, i got dumped so hard i started journaling. i'd park my car in my garage that was notorious for having no cell service, play the most depressing playlist i had on full blast (see: "guttural sobbing") and i'd write and write till my hand cramped and i couldn't see the pages anymore. then, i'd go up to my fourth floor studio apartment, fall to the ground, and sob on the kitchen floor.
it was deeply, deeply pathetic. and i was aware of that, but it felt like nothing in the universe could make me feel any better. i'd feel sick when i'd hear his name, cry in the bathroom at work, i'd talk about him to my friends, try to rationalize and re-rationalize and understand what went wrong, and absolutely nothing satisfied a part of myself that hinged my whole personality, my entire self worth on one person.
i'm a very melodramatic person. i have an entire poetry account to back up that claim. for a while, my whole life was devoted to that poetry account, using it as a way to cathartically get back at people who had hurt me. if i could show them how poorly i was doing, maybe they'd come running back. maybe they'd regret it and miss me so much they'd come back.
maybe. maybe. maybe.
absolutely nothing satisfied a part of myself that hinged my whole personality, my entire self worth on one person.
my warriors obsession started with me paying attention to the warriors instagram social media manager. on the days the warriors would lose, we'd get captions like "onto the next" "good effort" "final." "final" was by far my favorite. one word of pure devastation. the comments on those posts are even funnier. i implore you to take some time out of your day to read the comments on posts when the warriors lose, and take a shot every time they mention trading podz. you'll end up with alcohol poisoning.
pump it up / linger started after the warriors got blown out by the celtics on january 20, 2024 (one day before my birthday), 125 to 85. i could not fucking believe that a team that had carved out an entire dynasty could have lost so pathetically. i immediately texted my older brother, daniel, shocked and appalled. he didn't have much of a response, other than, "that's the way this year was going. poorly."
then, he gave me an idea. he sent me "linger," specifically the cover by royel otis, and told me to post it on my story every time they lost. it was genius. the kind of bit that would never, ever get old. when they'd win, we'd play "pump it up."
and so, a tradition was born.
it didn't really matter much, at first. i thought it was hilarious and my brother and i would bond over the losses and the wins.
i'd check instagram for the final score, post it on my story, add the song, and shut off my phone.
but something beautiful happened.
i realized really quickly that people love sports. more than that, people love their teams. their identities. their homes, the cities they grew up in, the players they got jerseys for. people loved that there's something deeply constant and consistent about seasons of sports.
it's binary. there's winning and there's losing. regardless of what happens, life goes on. you'll go to sleep, wake up, go to work, watch the next game. hope for a better outcome.
i added another constant. even if you're not a warriors fan, if you follow me on instagram, you'll know if the warriors won or lost that day.
maybe it's something you skip past, or maybe it's something you linger on (sorry, i had to do it).
i got obsessed, like i usually do with the things i love. i could not get enough basketball in my life. i followed basketball meme pages. i watched videos diving into the history of the sport. i spoke with everyone and learned about the lore of their favorite teams.
most of all, i spoke with my older brother. i learned everything from him.
if you know me, you know i'm obsessed with my siblings. as a chronic middle child, my entire personality comprises of traits i stole from each of them.
my older brother and i are irish twins, 360 days apart. for 5 glorious days every year, daniel and i are the same age. we were raised like twins for the first few years of our lives, where we shared birthday parties, shared a room, and shared our toys. we have a magical little bond that is hard to put into words. over the years, we stayed glued to one another. no matter where i was, for 17 years, there was one constant: daniel would be right by my side.
then, i moved to la. and things changed. it got harder to stay in touch with my siblings. it got harder to keep up with life, and maintain a routine, and keep myself motivated when i was living all alone for the first time in my entire life.
so, i picked up the phone, and i checked the scores of the warriors game. and i texted daniel. and from there, we hit the ground running.
it's binary. there's winning and there's losing. regardless of what happens, life goes on. you'll go to sleep, wake up, go to work, watch the next game. hope for a better outcome.
i take a lot of ubers and lyfts. especially in the summer time when my car got scraped by a bus and it was in the shop for a little over a month, i took at least three lyfts a day. some rides were quiet, and some weren't.
those were the ones where i'd bring up basketball. i'd slide into the backseat, ask them if they were having a nice day, and ask where they were from. from there, it was like a snowball effect of connection. which players we rooted for, which teams we hated (usually the lakers or the okc thunder), what games we were looking forward to.
these days, it's so hard to find moments of meaningful connection. a lot of the time, we float in between the lives of other people and we don't even realize the wealth of knowledge and experience that every person possesses. i found the magic key to meeting and unlocking these golden moments: basketball. it felt like i'd opened up a new world, like i was finally in on an inside joke.
it's hard being in your twenties.
it's hard being in your twenties and alone, and heartbroken, and scared, and stressed.
but it's a little easier when you have something to hold onto. something to connect with. something that makes the people you speak to for just a moment in our busy lives, light up.
for me, it was basketball.
for you? it could be anything else.
i guess all that's left is finding out what that is.
in the meantime, i'll be watching the warriors.
love always,
maya(writeslotsofstuff)
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